You have permission to print this page for your personal use only.

Contents   
           What Is Money Consciousness?
           What is Money?
           Money Equals Love
           Rescue Dramas
           Banking Relationships

  It's a safe bet that anyone who buys a book about prosperity or goes to a prosperity seminar is interested in making more money. Since you're reading this book, I'm going to assume that you want to generate more financial energy.

To do this you'll have to become aware of the thoughts, beliefs and emotions (TBEs) that are supporting your current life position and then change them. To help you raise your awareness, we're going to examine money in general. Then, in Section 2 [of Prosperity Is an Inside Job], we'll look at your TBEs and discuss what actions you can take to alter your money consciousness and the money you generate.

Your money consciousness is how you think, believe and feel about money. People with a prosperity consciousness know that there is a limitless supply and all they have to do is receive their share. They trust there will always be enough to fulfill their needs and desires. Because they know there's enough for everyone, people with a prosperity consciousness rarely hoard anything. Giving, loving, and sharing are easy for those who are in the prosperity consciousness because they're never afraid that there isn't enough.

A scarcity consciousness is the opposite of a prosperity consciousness. People with a scarcity consciousness never have enough and are afraid of losing whatever they own. They feel needy, deprived and inadequate. Fear of the future, stinginess and hoarding are all characteristics of a scarcity consciousness.

One day, I was speaking to a 65 year-old woman who was worried about her future. She had received $200,000 when she sold her house four years before and had used up more than half of it. She felt helpless.

"What am I going to do when my money runs out?" she lamented.

I asked her, "Why don't you figure out how to get some more?"

She looked at me as if to say, "What a concept!"

Because she was past retirement age, she thought there was no possible way for her to generate new money. That's a scarcity consciousness.

Before a predicted storm, residents of threatened areas rush to stores and buy up arm loads of supplies that they're afraid will be difficult to obtain. This behavior is a sign of a scarcity consciousness.

People who hoard millions of dollars often aren't prosperous because they're afraid of not having enough. Although, to the observer, they might appear to be prosperous, in reality they suffer from the fear of scarcity.

People in the prosperity consciousness act as if there is a limitless supply. They know they can always generate more. On the other hand, those who think, believe and feel scarcity see limitations and a finite supply.

People who have the spirit of entrepreneurship and are willing to take great risks in order to act upon an idea often have a prosperity consciousness. They know that all they can lose is money. If they do, there is plenty more -- they just have to find it.

If you have a scarcity consciousness, it will be difficult for you to feel prosperous unless you find a way to see your life and money supply from a different point of view.  

When was the last time you thought about money? Probably within the last hour. Most people spend an inordinate amount of their thinking time focusing on how much money they have or don't have or how much money they owe. Or they worry about not having enough money. People lie, cheat, steal and even kill because of money. Others commit suicide.

What incredible power money has over our lives! It affects what we eat, where we live, how we spend our leisure time, how well we take care of ourselves and just about every other aspect of our existence.

Yet money is nothing more than pieces of paper or circular bits of metal. By itself, money is absolutely meaningless. Its power and usefulness is the result of the definition that society gives to it. If everyone else was paying for goods and services with pieces of cloth, your paper currency would be worthless.

At one point in our economic development, we did pay each other with cloth and other usable goods. However, carrying around that kind of currency in our pockets was difficult. So we decided to use money as a symbol for value, and we gave it different colors and numbers to signify how many piles of cloth, beads or gold it was worth.

After years of practice, we found more sophisticated means of manipulating money. Now we don't even have to carry around the actual pieces of paper or coins. We can write a check, use plastic cards or just punch numbers into a computer terminal and have dollars travel around the world.

Obviously, money isn't really just pieces of paper or circular coins. It's much more than that. Money is a symbol for an exchange of energy between people who have a relationship with each other. Money is, therefore, a symbol of relationship. In this case it is a financial relationship, which can be as emotional as any other relationship.

Your individual relationship with money is similar to your relationship with yourself and others. In other words, you deal with money the same way you deal with yourself and others. Your financial relationships develop along the same energy pathways as everything else in your life. And, of course, your relationship with money is an extension of your TBEs.

Once you understand this, you'll be able to comprehend why you act as you do with money and how you can develop new and more effective behavior patterns.

Money Equals Love

I've pointed out that there are two aspects to everything in three-dimensional reality -- the internal and external. The internal component of all relationships, including those that are financial, is an electrical impulse that we experience with our heart center, which connects humans to each other and our environment. This impulse is experienced as a feeling that we call love.

Humans have an instinctive need to bond with each other and part of this bonding is the feeling of love. I'm not talking about romantic love, that's just one aspect of the love energy, but feelings that we have for other people. Even conflicted relationships have an element of love in them. It's out of balance, but if there was no feeling, there would be no conflict.

Money is an external component of relationships. Money represents energy passing between two people who agree to have a particular kind of relationship -- financial. Parents have financial relationships with their children and each other, employees have financial relationships with their employers, and nations have financial relationships with other nations.

Financial relationships pervade our society. While money allows us to fill our most basic needs for food, clothing, shelter, transportation, medical care, etc., it also serves as a mechanism by which we can bond with others.

To express the desire to bond, as well as expressing feelings of appreciation and acknowledgment, people often use money instead of words. If you come to my store and you see something that makes you feel good, chances are you're not going to give me a big hug and kiss and tell me how terrific everything is. You're more apt to put some money in my hand and quietly enjoy the moment while I package your purchase. If I smile at you, express interest in your life and show my appreciation for your acknowledgment, you'll probably come back to my store for more. You'll feel a bond with me.

Parents often give children money to acknowledge their achievements. Money from parents also tells children that they trust them and want to support them. Parents, who for one reason or another are unable to openly express their love, often give their children money instead. Money is sometimes the only visible bond between parents and their children; except for when money passes between them, they rarely touch.

Many people who are uncomfortable financially are acting out their love relationships with their family of origin. People with financial difficulties invariably feel deprived, abandoned, ashamed of themselves and unworthy. This applies to people who never have enough money as well as people who have sufficient money. Even wealthy people can be uncomfortable with their money.

It all has to do with our need to bond. If we didn't feel bonded to our parents when we were children, we keep searching for the bonding we need. Our financial expression is a reflection of our early bonding experiences.

For example, I have a friend, Sally, who comes from a wealthy family and was provided for with a generous trust fund. Sally was the child of two alcoholics who abused her emotionally. She was the family scapegoat and her self-esteem was extremely low. Like her parents, Sally became an alcoholic. When I met her, she was already sober and attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings regularly.

Every once in a while, the pressures of life would overwhelm Sally. She became manic and would go on spending sprees that were as painful as any alcoholic binge. Her pattern was to spend thousands of dollars on art or redecorating her apartment. During her manic episodes, Sally always attracted down-and-outers to whom she'd either give or lend money. The drama always ended up with the people cheating or manipulating Sally in some way, just as her parents had done.

After her money binges Sally would be overcome by shame and remorse. More often than not, she would leave herself in a situation where she would feel that she was broke and unable to support herself. Finally, with the help of a therapist, Sally saw that she never felt bonded with her parents. Although they had plenty of money, her mother never nurtured her and neither parent was ever there to support her emotionally. Her binges were Sally's way of screaming, "I need someone to touch me!"  

Rescue Dramas

In families where there is little affection or acknowledgment and incomplete bonding, there are usually multiple dramas around money. Children who need to be rescued by their parents are usually asking for love, attention and emotional support. When a parent is unable to hug and empower a child, the child has no recourse but to ask that his/her needs be met some other way.

When children feel deprived of love, they misbehave, get sick or create dramas that demand the parent's attention. Often, children who feel deprived create situations in which they receive negative attention, such as punishment or abuse. For them, that's better than no attention at all. When children who feel deprived become adults, they don't have the emotional vocabulary to say, "I really need you to hug and love me because I feel so alone and unworthy." Instead they ask for money.

Parents who are unable to express love never learned how. Their parents didn't bond well with them so they have no idea how to bond with their children. In some cases, instead of bonding and giving love, they give money.

Linda Pierce's father Bob was emotionally abusive. Her mother Claire, afraid of hurting her relationship with Bob, didn't protect Linda from Bob's rages. Claire's way of saying, "I'm sorry," was to give Linda money or buy her expensive clothes. In time, Linda learned to ask for money or clothes when she needed love.

In order to get her parents' attention, Linda created periodic financial crises. A pattern of rescue dramas emerged. It was as if the characters were all reading a script. First Linda would cry to Claire about her dire straits. Because Linda knew that Bob made the major money decisions, she needed an ally and hoped that Claire would play the part. She hoped that Claire would protect her. But Claire never did. Instead, she'd say, "Go ask your father," and predictably, he'd say, "No."

Linda would then cry to Claire and complain about how mean he was, and finally Claire would agree to talk to Bob. They'd discuss it, or fight about it, and, finally, Linda would get what she needed, which made her feel that they cared about her. It was an empty victory, but better than feeling entirely alone.

Anyone who needs to be rescued financially is saying that they need to feel loved or supported. Invariably, those needs were not met by their parents and they try to satisfy their needs by getting rescued by family members or substitutes, such as banks. 

 Banking Relationships

Banks are often parent substitutes. In order to establish a banking relationship, beyond just keeping your money there, you have to find a banker who is interested in what you are doing and has a desire to help you. You also have to feel comfortable with the banker. For small business owners, their banker often knows more about them than anyone else. If there is a good relationship, the business owner knows that there is at least one person who will be there if they have problems with the business, even if it's just to give advice. A bond develops between the entrepreneur and the banker.

Banking relationships can be quite revealing. If you want to borrow money from a bank, you have to tell them everything about your financial history. In the process, you have to closely examine your financial behavior. You're bound to feel a little embarrassed or vulnerable because all of your "mistakes" are hanging out for everyone to see. It's not unusual to feel as if you are a child appealing to an adult for more allowance. You know that if you're a good boy or girl, you'll get what you need. If they don't like you or judge your past behavior harshly, you won't find satisfaction and acknowledgment.

If you get the loan you want and make your payments every month, at the end of the loan period you and the bank will either say good-bye or create another loan situation. Chances are that you'll want to maintain the relationship if enough bonding has taken place. The loan serves a purpose because you feel taken care of and acknowledged, and your payment record gives you a chance to be a good boy or girl.

Loan relationships with a bank, like any debt relationship, also serve the debtors by giving them the security that someone is out there who won't forget about them. As long as there's a balance outstanding, the bank has a vested interest in the debtor's success.

Since we're looking at banking relationships, let's see what else might be playing out. Suppose you find yourself having trouble with your payments (relationship). You feel fear because if you don't pay, the bank will punish or abandon you. Once again, you feel like a child petitioning your parents for understanding. The feelings you experience will be similar to those that you felt as a child.

As adults, many of us find it difficult to say to people, "Gee, I really need to feel connected to someone, and I need to know that I'm supported in what I'm doing. So could you come by every month and tell me I'm doing a great job and maybe give me a hug?"

Instead, we go to the bank. >Our financial relationships with banks serve as substitutes for our relationships with those whose role it was to support us when we were children. Even if your interaction with a bank is limited to a checking account, if you have feelings when you balance your checkbook or bounce checks, those feelings correlate with your feelings about your family members.

Business Relationships

If you have a job, you have a financial/love relationship with your superiors and a sibling relationship with your co-workers. Situations you create at work will often be carbon copies of situations you had in your family of origin. If you're having a problem with someone at work, examine how the problem relates to conflicts you had with family members.

If you have your own business, then your relationships with your customers will be a reflection of your relationships with your family of origin or other close relationships. You're asking them to acknowledge and support you. If your customers like what you have to offer, they'll express their pleasure by exchanging money for your goods or services. If you had a balanced love relationship with your family, that will be reflected in a healthy business. If, on the other hand, your parents died or divorced when you were young, or if you were abused or in any way abandoned, you may have more trouble establishing a comfortable and consistent money flow in your business.

These are generalizations, of course, but if you look at your job or business dramas, you will see the same patterns there as in other areas of your life.

This article is excerpted from Prosperity Is an Inside Job by Joan Sotkin.